When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
