She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
