my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
third nipple confirmed
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
