actually, I'm a sock model
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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