dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
