Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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