you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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