I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
