remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
