I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
