Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
