My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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