I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize