Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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