shes about as inviting as chlamydia
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
