They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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