I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
