At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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