OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize