dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
