My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
