I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
