I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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