You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
