waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
