Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
