You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
