one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
