a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
