well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
