This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize