i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize