mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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