the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
