i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Randomize
