dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
