I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
