We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
