First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
