Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
