I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
