my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
