He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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