omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
