If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
