I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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