Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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