I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
