susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
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