Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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