You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
