My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
