I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I met the friendliest cop last night
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
