you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and she was petting her beer can
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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