He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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