i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
