I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She announced her abortion via fbk
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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