she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
