have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
