dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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