I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
