That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
