OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
