Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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