Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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