I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
