At least make sure they are 18
Why
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
