I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
