i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
