My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
