you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
