from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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